My husband does (overseas) and even though it was really hard at the beginning, it's a lot easier now to cope with. At the beginning it was once, every couple of months and now his schedule has changed to 3 weeks home and 4 weeks away covering two countries at a time.
I would find it hard to sleep at night knowing he wasn't there with me. There were many endless nights watching dvds till early hours of the morning and struggling the next day to stay awake. It was hard on our son also as he missed his Daddy terribly and never got to share some special occasions with him.
I am thankful for the internet and chat programs though. That's what we used to keep in touch everyday. It actually felt like he was still here with us most of the time.
Now that he is travelling a lot more, he now takes a week off when he returns and we re-bond as a family. This is our special time together and it makes up for the time he's been away. I also get time to myself and he gets to spend quality time with our son, doing whatever they want to do.
So how do you cope when your spouse travels a lot? thanks for sharing!
[question posted by maddysmommy]
responses and comments:
Hi maddysmommy, My husband don't travel, he used too, when he was single but when we got married, he was assigned to a different job which makes him stay only here...Good thing! I have witnessed my Mom since my Dad was working away from us for 15 years...We will only see him once a year for like 3-4 weeks! I just realized how hard it was for them..They sacrifice a lot for the family..I do admire really couple like them and like you! Cheers! For my Mom, we were like 9 and 11 years old that time. My Sister and I..So, Mom took care of us, she has a huge garden and a lots of flower as well as many pets..She is diverting her time working and taking care of all of those! I am very proud of My Parents.. For you and your hubby..Congrats for that since it's not easy really but as long as there is constant communication, I know distance won't matter!happy [checapricorn]
I agree, constant contact and communication really helps. Makes it a lot more easier to get through the times when he is abroad. [maddysmommy]
I know what you're saying. My husband took a job 3 years ago that required him to travel. It caused a divorce here. I had a hard time with him being away. We had never been separated in the 22 years we had been married. I was given a week to get use to him being away. While needless to say I didn't get use to it in that time. Which in turn cost me my marriage and it was 2 years separation. We have been back together now for alittle over a year and hes only had to go out of town a couple of times. He would be gone Monday-Friday and home on the weekends. I did fine with that. But I know there is going to be a job that takes him away for months. And I believe I can handle it. But like you and your husband we spend time on the internet everyday when he is away. I just try to stay busy to pass the time and look forward to the day he comes home. Our kids are pretty much grown so it doesn't bother them that much. But your right they(spouse) misses out on alot. We hav e two grandchildren that he misses growing up. But I guess the price you have to pay to survive. I also put myself in the life of a military families life and just think at least i can talk to my husband everyday. Now that would be a hard life to live. [queenofarms]
I bet being an army wife would be very hard to live. I am thankful though that he has a good job even though it does take him away quite a lot this year. Who knows, if he rakes up the airpoints, we may be able to join him next summer holidays. I was able to use a few to attend my best friends wedding in Hawaii earlier this year so it does come with some perks :) Thanks for sharing queenofarms and am happy you are both back together. [maddysmommy]
It will nice to have hubby home for that extra time. My partner used to travel for work, But not any longer thank goodness. He may have had a good paying job, But I would much rather he worked close to home. [Goodie123]
Africa is the one place my partner never got to go. [Goodie123]
Yes, my husband travels out of town some for work and I am fine with it. I don't mind him being gone although I know that the kids miss him a lot. I look at it as he has a good job and it pays well so that is what matters. I call him every night that he is gone and we talk for at least 30 minutes most of the time. That helps with everything. I am usually too busy with the kids to notice that he is gone. [carolscash]
That's where I am now with all his travelling too because I have also gotten use to it. I've accepted it and even though it took a while to get use to, he's doing it for us :) [maddysmommy]
hello again, i am very very grateful that my husband dont have to travel a lot for work (in fact it is a very rare one or just 2-4 days only) i think the longest he have was when we are living in china and he have to go back here to attend some seminars that lasted 2 weeks, that is miserable for us both as he dont like leaving me alone in a place that he dont like LOL as much as possible he tried to make his trip as short as possible or he try to bring me there too. he works at home and only goes out sometimes to meet colleague for few hours only but it sure feels like a long time even though we talk on the phone on his way to the meeting place and on his way home - yeah we're nuts! i can imagine you not sleeping at all at the first time and i assume still happens sometimes now. i remember when he was here i cannot sleep at night and was up till 8am and just take a few nap and then wakes up again it was like as if i am having the same time as his LOL btw, he will be up in BC next week (tuesday-friday) and it is already a topic that we tried not to talk about as it brings me down so much. i have to tease him that his boss seems to like to ask him for a trip when my aunt flo is about to come. yeah i go nuts then coz i cried a lot, im not the angry girl but the crying one. anyway, i am happy that your hubby is coming back home sooner than you guys thought. im sure you and your son as well as your hubby is counting the days or must i say hours hahaha! have a good one! [jairgirl]
i see, yeah just keep the phone next to you so you can open the door for him and give him a big hug! it is not easy to have delays be it a flight or other form of transportation. i wish your husband a safe trip. good night to you guys! [jairgirl]
yes he travels around the state, everyday and comes home late at night every night. it's still hard because he's the only one with the car so i'm stuck here all week until he's off on Sunday's. i'm used to it but it's still hard. [floridachick]
I don't drive so our car sits in our garage not being used. What a waste LOL but I am thinking seriously about getting my license. I can do much more if I knew how to drive :) [maddysmommy]
My husband did not travel outside of the city when he was working. The only time he was out of town was when he had to go to Saskatoon one Christmas ago, and that was because they were closing the shop there and they still had men working there, and they needed help. I joined him for Christmas and then we took the plane home together. That was some years ago and he is retired now. [suspenseful]
That would of been nice to join him for Christmas. We are hoping some time next year, after he has built up enough airpoints, we can join him on one of his trips :) [maddysmommy]
I am the spouse/parent who has to leave home to work. I have been jobless for a long time and my wife did not want me to go away to find work but I finally convinced her to let me go and find work elsewhere. It might be a year before I get to come home and I hope my project makes me a lot of money so I can ask my family to move with me. [underdogtoo]
I hope it all works out for you and your family. A year is a long time but if it means financial stability for your family in the long run then I can understand that. [maddysmommy]
out our moves and the number of schools that they've been to.our house is rented out while we are away.we cant enjoy our own house at all. maybe the best thing we can do is think that our husbands might be far frohi,my husband travels a lot!we move a lot too! hard-yes.i know how you feel.my 17 year old daughter says...she's not marrying a man whose work is like her dads.LOL. my husband is very close to our 2 kids.a day without him would seem forever for us.yes-like you,i could not sleep at all. the best that my husband could think of was to bring us along because his work requires him to move and stay in a place for 3 to 4 years.within that 3-4 years,he travels weekly.most of the week,he is away for 2-3 days.if we wont move with him,we will not see him for months.his office is very considerate though.they shoulder the freight expenses.give allowance for the house.gives us hospital insurance and the likes.but i tell you,these are all nothing compared to the stress of uprooting the children from one school to another.not to mention leaving friends behind and making new friends once more.i just tell them that they are actually in the advantage because they get to meet many friends.experience different culture.see the world.they had been to schools ran by jesuit priests,benedictine nuns,good shepherds nuns,marist brothers,claretian brothers,paulinian nuns,lasalian brothers...etc etc etc....LOL.I can picture my childrens faces frowning whenever they hear me babble abm us from time to time,yet they contribute their services for a better world.we moms,will just try our best to be the best moms for the children and the best wife for the husband. [chingbeem]
I hope too that you can earn points right away...just be patient.We get to use my husbands frequent travel points.its really a big bonus for us.Let me know if you and your son can go for a trip so I know that you have fulfilled your wish.I just got back from a trip with my 2 kids.my husband and us went to the airport together but with different destinations...now we are back,but not my husband yet...he will be here tomorrow though.My kids and I spent the week end with my family,and my husband with his...tomorrow,we will all be together for 2 weeks...travel travel trave... [chingbeem]
What kind of company does your husband work for? My DH has only gone away twice for training. I know it was hard to sleep because we were not use to him not being here. One company I use to work for, I would plan travel arrangements for our service techs and they would fly out every Monday morning and fly back in on Friday. I don't know how they did this week and week. [kimbers867]
Week to week? that must be hard. At least with my husband he gets to stay home for about three taking at least one of those weeks off to spend with us before he goes again. He actually came back early this morning after being away for three days. Their equipment hadn't arrived so they would of wasted a couple of weeks doing nothing. [maddysmommy]
My hubby is a truck driver and is gone a lot!!! I survive by playing with my kids, surfing the internet, writing, reading, and such. I have been doing a lot of puzzles also. I kind of like being alone, we have been married for 16 years and spent most of the time together. I love my hubby and he is really doing good as a truck driver so i do not want to interfere with his career and want him to be happy, he had worked his whole life in a job that he hated and now he loves this so I am happy too!! [sweetpeasmom]
Congratulations on 16 years of marriage. We have been married for 7 years :) Your right about being happy, I think this is the very first job that he has really enjoyed (even though it does involve travelling) and I have never seen him so happy doing what he does. I am thankful that he has a good paying job and even though it was hard at first, it has gotten easier. Fingers crossed we get to join him next year on a trip too using all his airpoints he gets from travelling :) [maddysmommy]
Yes my husband does travel alot he is a truck driver sometimes I don't like it because he has long days when he's gone and we 4 chidlern. He was also in the military and was sent to Iraq in 2003 He was gone for a year he only got to see his daugther who is now 5 for two weeks that was really hard I am so glad he is out now. I will be glad when he can retire from driving [christylynn]
I can't imagine what it must of been like when he was sent away for a year. It must of been really hard on you and your four children. Hopefully it won't be too long before he retires from driving :) thanks for posting. [maddysmommy]
I could probably not cope. I don't know how! I'm not used to sleeping without my husband by my side. He never has to travel to earn a living because he has good job here and that is a big blessing! What more his job is only some few meters away from our home so even if he will walk, he can reach the office. That is another blessing because he does not have to suffer traffic jam every day and saves much on gas consumption. Unlike me because I have to spend around 1 and 1/2 hour or so to reach my job everyday! [salonga]
That's great that his job only takes him a few metres away from your home but not so easy for you, to have to travel that long just to get to your job. I've gotten use to him travelling now and even though we miss him all the time, it's actually nice to have some time to myself. [maddysmommy]
My husband works 125 kilometers away from our house. By Philippines standard that is far. He travels every other day to get to work and I have gotten used to the arrangement. When he's home, we always make sure that we can spend quality time together and go to our errands - like grocery shopping - together. Sometimes he can't attend special occasions due to the nature of his job but the whole family adjusts and tries to understand. [joyadalia]
That's good that you're able to spend quality time when he returns. We do too as the week he takes off is great for the three of us. Thanks for responding. [maddysmommy]
My husband also travels a lot, but we are lucky because the work trips help him discover new places we can go and visit afterwards as a family together. I like travelling, but I don't envy his job at all, as it takes a lot out of you to be always on the move. [sylvia13]
Yea, it's good to collect Frequent Flyer points and I think my hubby feels proud of them, but sometimes I get the feeling that it is getting to be too much, as he also likes to be home having just simple home meals for a change! For a change, our next holidays are not going to be on an airplane, for a change! [sylvia13]
My father travelled a lot for his job. We used to joke that if you didn't say hi to him by wednesday you would have to wait until the next week. I would say 50% of his time or more was spent in travel. [cbreeze]
haha that's funny. Did you find it hard when he was away 50% of the time while you were growing up? [maddysmommy]
My husband is in the Air Force so he goes through phases of heavy travel. He will go overseas for months at a time. He also stays stateside and leaves anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. He was travelling so much that he was hardly ever home with us for awhile. He started taking us with him on his stateside tdy's so we could be together. We have gone to Mississippi, Maryland, South Carolina and Texas with his so far this year. My husband has missed anniversaries and birthdays too. It is hard sometimes and he goes through times that he wishes he didn't re-enlist, but he has 12 years finished already. I go home and be with my family when he is gone. It helps time go by faster when I am not alone. [moneyandgc]
I wish we could do that, go home to my family when he is away. My family live in New Zealand. However he has racked up lots of airpoints, so we are hoping to join him next year on a trip :) thanks for your response. [maddysmommy]
I would hate it if my husband had to travel so much... i am currently travelling on work and although it is far (some 16 hours of travel by plane) I'm only going to be away for 5 days. And to me, it's a good break from being stuck in the office too. But I guess you must be especially understanding to be okay wtih your husband travelling so much. I guess if he's home 3 weeks and doesn't need to go to work during that three weeks then it makes up for it? I would say that if my spouse travels so much, I'd invest in a good skype system and make sure I have good family support with me. :) [squaretile]
Now that's an option, skype. We keep talking about that but have never gotten around to it. Maybe we should. Thanks squaretile. [maddysmommy]
Hi Maddysmommy How are you? I think you are a very lucky women. Your husband takes care of his family. For a man like that I would be very great full. Though I realize it is hard on you and your son sometimes. But, when the hard times come, think about all the benefits you have from this. And because he is not always home, you get a better bond with each other. I believe that in this way you learn to appreciate each other more, where as if you see each other everyday, you tend to forget the appreciation of one another. Take care, have a nice day. Margajoe [Margajoe]
Hi, You are very welcome. Think of the advantages when you start feeling down. That will make you feel better. Take care, Margajoe. [Margajoe]
My husband used to travel at least 2 weeks out of every month to Latin America. And the countries included Columbia, Nicaragua, etc. I worried about him all the time and it was very difficult to fall asleep because he was not there with me. It was hard on the kids too because they missed him too. Fortunately he does not have to travel anymore and is home every night. I think it is wonderful that your husband is able to take a week off when he gets back. Mine never got any time off in compensation for being gone. He would be gone a minimum of one week, sometimes two. It really sucked. When he got back home he was tired from the long days and the travelling and just wanted to veg out in front of the television. I am so glad he does not need to travel anymore. I can empathize with you and your family. Have a great day and happy myLotting! [schulzie]
Thanks schulzie. I know it's for the betterment of our family and even though we do miss him, I know it's hard on him too. It is getting easier and when my son starts back at school next month, I am going to look for a full time job to keep me occupied. thanks for your response! [maddysmommy]
hi!!!my husband is on ship most of the time.so every time he does on & off.he stays home 3-4 mths then again joins ship for 5mths.previously i used to get very upset but now i got use to it.when i help him packing his bags i can stop myself crying.before leaving he tells me what to do?& he's very concered.his caring nature makes him more wanted.i feel like joinnin him on ship but since my kid goes to school i've to stay back. [anita27]
That must be even harder when he goes away for 5 months at a time. I don't know if I could handle that even though he's doing it for our family. [maddysmommy]