For those that know me knew that I was away for a week on vacation and wasn't looking forward to it, and know also that as a man I find it extremely difficult if not impossible to cry.
Well for the first time in years I felt the tears at long last, I took along Titanic DVD which always helps me to cry but in actual it wasn't the film that brought the tears it was something that happened whilst on vacation that got the tears finally flooding.
Trouble is I was disturbed by a couple of guests who walked in on me in the lounge as I was shedding the tears luckily they didn't say anything. I think I would have carried on crying, sometimes I fear that if I do start crying then I won't be able to stop.
I am so relieved to be back home, but my troubles are still with me and I still feel like I need to cry again, but I need to be alone so that I can cry without fear of anyone walking in on me or even hearing me. I need my own space, I need to be alone so that I can really let the floodgates open, then and only then can I start to purge the emotional crap I am carrying around with on a daily basis.
Do you find it extremely difficult if not impossible to cry? What is your technique to help you cry and purge out the emotional turmoil that is going on inside you?
Any tips on how a guy can really cry? And do you think that crying will help me emotionally
Is crying really therapeutic or is it a myth or can be crying be seen as just feeling sorry for yourself and has no actual value in moving on in life and getting over a bad period that you are going through?
[question posted by wolfie34]
responses and comments:
I am very emotional and it is easy for me to cry, maybe too easy sometimes if that is possible. I think with males it has maybe been pounded in their heads since childhood that it is not manly to cry and to "suck it up". I have always told my son and my grandson it is good to cry and show emotions. [tyc415]
Sadly enough it was my parents who told me that. My mum cries frequently and when I hear her, this sounds terrible but I feel jealous of her being able to cry and I can't, sounds cruel doesn't it? [wolfie34]
Hi my dearest wolfie, I think you know how I'm going to answer this one! Of course it is ok to cry and it does cleanse the soul and body! I used to cry all the time, but for some reason now that I have gotten older (and sober) I find it alot more difficult to cry! When I was in Rehab, however the tears sometimes wouldn't stop! Talk about opening the floodgates! I didn't care how many people were in the room and many times there was a room full of people! Those were some of the best sessions I had and would get lots of hugs afterwards too! And I was never into being hugged either, but in Rehab it is a requirement! So, whatever it takes to make you feel better, don't hold it back because releasing the tears will make you feel better afterwards! A good cry never killed anyone! It only makes you stronger! And if you are finding this so difficult talk it through with your therapist. That is the place that I usually end up doing my crying now! [Opal26]
I see my therapist Friday and Friday can't come too soon, because I feel that this time for the first time ever I'll have the freedom to be able to open the floodgates when I am with her. [wolfie34]
I do find it very hard to cry, it drives mr Croc mad, because I tend to get angry with myself fo wanting to cry and then shout at him. I actually haven't found crying therapeutic but Mr Croc feels it has helped him so I suppose it depends on who you are. If you felt better after having a good cry, then that is what you needed. Maybe finding somewhere quiet to go and let it go is the answer. I'd invite you here but my house always seems to be full of people just when you don't want them. I keep saying it will be nice when the kids leave home, then remembering they have, they just keep coming back. [nannacroc]
I think I might pay a visit to my beloved nans grave, it's always wonderfully quiet there and has the desired affect, plus I might just fill up when I see my therapist on Friday. [wolfie34]
Sweetie when I was married I used to get in my Car and just drive of park somewhere and cry I used to have to get away from him, I used to phone the Children and tell them I will be ok and will be back, as they always worried I used to have my Make up in my Car as many a time the tears would flow and I could not stop them when driving from Contract to another, I used to freshen my Make up and hide the redness under my eyes Most Nights he used to be out anyway so I would just cry while the Children where asleep upstairs I used to get p in the Night and sit downstairs and cry, longing for someone to comfort me and tell me I would get through it The crying helped me as it gave me back my Strength to cope xxxx [gabs8513]
Sweet if that helps you then you do that, you know what is best for you [gabs8513]
I was raised in a dysfuntial home, I loved my parents dearly, but, let's face it, everyone has some kind of dysfuntion going on. It wasn't until I hit my 30's, did all the crap that I had bottled up inside all those years, start to surface. I hated the world, and didn't know why. I joined a therapy group, a group that allowed you to talk about your feelings, and it was then that I realized that I had issues towards my mother. For a year or two later, everytime I spoke of my mother, I would cry...I would share with people, incidences where my mother made me feel I wasn't good enough. Some people have said to me, "When are you going to get over the past?" And my answer was, "Until I have emptied myself of all the crap that has been bottled up inside of me" . I pictured myself like an empy bottle, that from birth, I had stuffed all the negative things down that I had experienced. It was only when the bottle got filled, up to my throat, that I began to choke on it. And that's when I started to talk about it...and it poured out like an ocean. Once the bottle was empty, and I had gotten all of the crap out inside, all the way down to my toes, did I feel good again. When it was all out, the crying stopped immediately....it was the weirdest thing...but I think that's what you got to do. Get all the crap out, keep talking about what makes you feel the way you do, and don't stop, until all the crap comes out. [Sweetchariot]
I really need to purge all the crap that I am carrying around inside me, I am getting weekly sessions with my therapist but it's a slow process and there's only so much you can get out in a 50 minute session, sometimes I feel like I am carrying the world on my shoulders and I seem to be hanging onto the past which in turn is destroying my present and certainly the future with unwanted negative baggage. I do carry negativity around with me like an old unwanted cloak, getting rid of it I try hard to but then I still find I am wearing it like an old friend. It's a long process, but now I have cried tears I know that I am capable of crying and I need time alone to grieve properly and get rid of the emotional baggage that is pulling me down constantly. [wolfie34]
hi wolfie I think we make boys think its weak and unmanly to cry'but its an emotion that strikes all of us. as a woman I get by more easily if I cried over something as men expect that i guess, but sometimes tears are therapeutic. I ended up split from the only family I have, myson,solely because we two had always shared an apartment, i am his mom, 82, and he lost his job. He cou ldnt find anotherone,we were evicted from our apartment, we were then homeless, he was worried for me so he and a social worker from adult protective services put me here in this retirement center. so for the first two or three weeks I did shed a lot of tears, alone in my room so no one could see.I was angry at life, at everyone,but then I started keeping a journal. the writing has been a means of keeping my sanity,of trying to be happy where I am and of keeping hope for better days fresh in my mind. crying only works for a short p eriod then you need better things to help you get on with your life. for me it was keeping a daily journal where I pour out all my thoughts and even tell about my childhood,the writing for me really helps. one day this terrible economy will be a lot better and a lot of us will once more be h appy. good luck and God bless. [Hatley]
I now do a self esteem journal which I write in when I feel I need to get things out and yes it is helpful, I am seeing a therapist as well, sometimes I wonder whether it might be good to start antidepressants, I know I have been dead against it and I don't like taking drugs but well, I don't know, maybe this is something I need to discuss with my therapist as the doctors are biased anyhow because they get money if they prescribe antidepressants so of course they'll be writing a prescription out as soon as I suggest it! [wolfie34]
First of all I hope that you can get over (thru) whatever is bothering you as I know how things can play on the mind and just make you feel horrible. I dont have a problem crying. I think some men do as that is how they are raised or they think it shows weakness. I wish that I knew of something that could help you, however I dont. I do believe that it is therapeutic to cry. It does seem to release tension and help purge the body and soul of things that are bothering you and helps a person move on. There has been studies that show that it does help. Never said this to someone, but I hope you cry. ((Hugs)) [Ithink]
I think alot of men are raised this way, Im not sure why it is thought that men shouldnt show emotions as in my opinion they are human and therefore have them too. I hope that you find your solitude so that you can let it out. [Ithink]
For a while I had a hard time crying too....but once I got past it now I can cry...last time I really cried was on a plane as I left my daughter knowing I wouldn't see them for a year.....and you know what? It's perfectly okay for a man to cry. My son graduated from college in May....his sister gave him a gift that really made him cry! His wife sat on the bed saying....don't do it! But his sister and I thought it was wonderful that he could show emotions like that! So go for it.....just go ahead and cry....it is very healing! [jillhill]
I guess when you are not used to doing something or told from a young age not to do something it becomes ingrained and you find it impossible to do it, but once you learn to feel comfortable and it's acceptable to cry you can eventually get around the obstacle. [wolfie34]
Hello Worlfie! There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man crying. We are all human and not made of iron. That means you have emotions just like everyone else out there. God created it us that way, we are not machines. Crying is also a good way of releasing stress. Sometimes I get so upset and angry that I start crying out of anger. And I think sometimes is good to share your feelings and emotions or whatever problem you have with a very close friend. Go ahead and cry on their shoulder. That's what friends are for. To be there when you are down and not only when you are ready to party. I hope and pray you find peace and whatever you are going thru to get better soon. Take care my friend and happy mylotting! :) Olivia~ [SurveyPrincess09]
I could only feel that I can cry on my own and I would feel too embarrassed in front of others even close friends. I guess it's because I was always told from a young age never to show your tears in front of others so it's been ingrained in me all my life not to cry in front of people. [wolfie34]
for me, i have no problems crying! i cry so easily over the tiniest little things. being a woman, i obviously have hormonal issues anyway, but even without that i cry very easily. maybe you should pick a moment to have a nice hot bath, lock the bathroom door, think about things that make you sad: think about titanic, think about how you'd feel if your family disappeared, think about your problems... this should soon reduce you to tears. crying is good for you - it lets everything out, you're not bottling it all up inside you anymore. i think it is quite therapeutic to be honest. sometimes you do just need a good sob. another tip - go see the movie My Sister's Keeper! [xsammiex]
I am hardly ever alone in the home, so I tend not to find very many occasions when I can be alone, that is another frustration for me not having my own space, my own place so I can be alone. I did go and see my nan and grandads grave on Thursday and although I couldn't cry I found it very therapeutic. I also find driving therapeutic too but not so easy to cry when driving! Thank you for your recommendation, appreciated. [wolfie34]
It's a shame your break wasn't more refreshing for you, Wolfie. I guess even when we go somewhere else, our problems will still be around when we return home. I think crying is EXTREMELY therapeutic. The best thing is to 'allow' ourselves to have a really good cry - in private if that works better - and then tell ourselves firmly after the cry that we are now ready to get on with things and try to put the sadness behind us. It's hard, but until we are able to let go, the bad things will always be there snapping at our heels and haunting us in the dark. Many years ago, when something bad happened to me and my husband, I remember him saying it would be 'as bad as we allowed it to be'. I still remember him saying that, and it was wise and helped enormously. xxx [guybrush]
Thanks for the BR, Wolfie. Bless. xxx [guybrush]
I know it must have felt good on one level to release those tears. I love a good cry myself every once in awhile, but, because I spent decades crying nearly everyday -- no exaggeration -- I find it very difficult to cry anymore. Not because I'm making any cognitive choices not to cry. It literally hurts to cry anymore. If I don't take my medication I find myself crying all the time and I can't do that to myself anymore. Like I said, though, once in awhile it does feel good to have a good cry. It feels like such a release. I'm glad you had the opportunity to have a good cry like that. I'm also sorry that you were walked into like that. It was nice that they didn't mention anything. That would have been very embarrassing for me too. Take care, wolfie! Purrs, Catwoman=^..^= & Mija [kellyjeanne]
I'm so glad you found a therapist that you feel comfortable working with. It took me years to find the right one myself. No, life is never easy. We just have to do our best. Take care, my friend. Purrs, Catwoman=^..^= & Mija [kellyjeanne]
Hi my friend Wolfie. I think that you needed to cry whilst you were on vacation to get rid of those upsetting emotions. You needed your own space and in that case you might have found it difficult to stop. You had two other guests that perhaps stopped you continuing to cry. When I feel really sad the tears come down my face. I was a the vet and I couldn't help crying. Losing Bingo the white fronted Amazon was a very sad day in my life. He was in his late twenties and my mum got him from her American friend when I was 14 years old. I try to look up with my eyes to prevent crying. Ladies are emotional during pregnancy and find it easy to cry. Some men find it difficult to cry. I respect a man for crying because it shows he is sensitive and the caring type of person. [maximax8]
A lot of men are not in touch with their emotions and feel it's a sign of weakness if they show others their feelings or cry so they have pent up emotions which come out in anger, frustration and aggression which is not healthy for them or those around them. I was always taught at a young age that boys don't cry and I guess I've grown up with that and it's very hard to shake off the stigma attached to men crying. Even when my nan died when I was 15 I couldn't cry I was just full of anger and frustration. I was hoping to have a cry when I went to visit my nans grave on Thursday and with my therapist on Friday but no tears came. [wolfie34]
I am a woman and I find it difficult to cry in a public place or in front of someone so I can only imagine how a man would feel. There is a silly stigma attached to a man crying that I'm glad is slowly going away. I don't have a problem crying in public if it is over a movie or something like that. I don't have a problem crying if it is over someone elses' sad story. It is when, I, myself, feel hurt...then I just can't. I don't have any special technique to offer you. When I've felt hurt...I bottle it up and cover it up. When I'm alone...driving home or whatever...it just all pours out. I find it therapeautic...it's a release of emotions and I usually feel somewhat better afterwards. I'm more able to look at the situation from another angle or find a solution. [sid556]
Yes, I was always taught from a very young age that boys never cry in front of others and it's very hard to shake off that stigma, had I of cried then I think I wouldn't have carried around so much grief, anger and hatred inside me which is not healthy but the floodgates refuse to open. [wolfie34]
Hi wolfie, I've cried MANY times while on vacation. See, it all starts the night before we leave. I already know that I won't be home for a week, I already know that I'll be sleeping in some strange, unfamiliar bed that isn't mine, and I already know that a plane ride is quickly approaching. So of course I can't sleep the night before. Then by the next morning when we're leaving for the trip, I'm crying because I didn't sleep. Then there's more crying on the plane, (MUCH, MUCH more because I'm so scared), and crying when we get to the hotel, because by then I'm so over-tired and crabby I don't know what else to do but cry, and then even more crying that night because I'm having difficulty sleeping in a new bed. So my family and I have decided the best solution to this one would be to NEVER EVER take me on a trip again lol I stay home and watch the house/animals while my parents go. And you can bet there's no crying. I'm in Heaven when I have this whole place to myself They're going again in September. I am COUNTING THE DAYS w00t Oh, to answer your question...no, there's nothing wrong with crying. If you'd like to see me crying for 24 hours straight, all you have to do is take me on a trip. ha ha [Druscilla34]
A house to myself now that really does sound like heaven! And I loved it when my parents used to go away for two weeks and I'd be left on my own, trouble is the two weeks went so damn quickly and I used to get upset when they returned, which is a bit selfish as I should be happy to have them home and safe! [wolfie34]