This is simply ridiculous. I have no idea how I put up with it. My parents won't let me go on vacation with my boyfriend of 5 years. They never have and never will simply because he wasn't gone on a vacation with my parents, which is simply because they plan vacations to stupid places and at inconvenient times, like during the school year. I am so fed up with it. I graduate in a month with my bachelor's degree, i have money saved up, and a loving and trustworthy boyfriend. i have all my life been oppressed by my parents they are so strict they have never given me any freedoms. they don't even let me cook. its sickening how oppressed i have been. i will stay this time around to respect their wishes. but im moving out within a week.
[question posted by thatcrazyqbanita]
responses and comments:
I find that hard to understand because you're 21 and your an adult. I don't see why they won't let you. I grew up with a strict father who wouldn't let me go out with friends when I was in my early teens. I'm 18 now and my dad has not been so strict but I feel he still is. I fear he might not let me go to a place that I want to go. So I can relate to your story. I honestly wish I had a place of my own but I don't even have that kind of money but I think it's good your moving out. ' [sweetangel88]
im sorry to heat u have strict parents too. yeah, mine are unreasonablly strict so its tough [thatcrazyqbanita]
That's weird, your an adult and should be able to do pretty much what you want. I hope you'll work this out :D Take care [gittabest]
yeah, its weird and very annoying, im sure i can figure something out. thanks for your response [thatcrazyqbanita]
One more month of putting up with the rules of living at home and you will be gone.Sounds like you actually have a pretty good life(a boyfriend who loves you,an education and parents who love you),but being controlled by someone else is not a good or healthy thing.Good luck in your new career and remember they may have "smothered" you,but it was not out of spite. [lonewolfnan]
i agree with you, thanks for your response [thatcrazyqbanita]
How will you be able to live on your own and make decisions every single day if at the age of 21 you can't even say "I'm going on vacation, deal with it"? It is not disrespectful to be independent. It is part of growing up, a natural part of life. Spread your wings and fly! [acuityplague]
shhh! calm down. soon, you'll be a parent, too and you'll be in the same boat. good for you, you live in a country where you're more or less liberated. here in the philippines, we can never go on vacations with just our boyfriend. we can only do that when we're married already. and, we've come to accept that. it's our way of life. so, no big deal really. go ahead, finish your course, land a good job, earn and save a lot and do what you want to do. good luck! [joshdale08]
Wow. I feel you. I mean I think 21 is old enough. Talk about over-protective parents, here in the Philippines, most of us are not allowed to date until they reach eighteen. Some even are not allowed until they graduate from college. But maybe you should try to get them together in a setting where they can get to know your boyfriend more. Do you have any idea why they are that way towards your relationship with your boyfriend? Maybe a scary experience in the past earlier in their lives? Maybe they got traumatized or something. If that's the case maybe you can see some valid reason. Have you tried to talk to them and show you you strongly feel about what they're doing? [nanayangel]
As long as you are living in their house, I guess they feel they have the right to set rules for you to follow. As a parent myself, I believe that once my children turn 18, my right to set rules for them becomes much less...there are some house rules, like no smoking in the house, no overnight guests, no loud parties, etc., but everything else is left up to the adult child to determine. That means if an adult child of mine chose to take a vacation trip with their boyfriend/girlfriend, it would be entirely up to her/him, as long as I wasn't being asked to pay for any part of it. Sounds to me like you are already taking steps to remove yourself from their influence by moving out. Hope that goes well, and that you can live your life as you see fit in the future. God bless! [TeresaK]
parents only wish our well being. its their care that restricts our freedom. go with them wherever they ask you to come. tell them you have satisfied their wish and now its their turn to satisfy your wish . now you can ask them to come with you. [girish_aarthy]
What is the age of adulthood in your country? In UK it is 18 but chilkdren can leave home, have sex, get married, from age 16. From about 16 onward it's hard for parents to exert any control other than mutual benefit, i.e. they get a place to stay, their bills paid, food cooked, etc., responsibility is a two way street, as is respect. But at 21 you are way old enough to make your own lifestyle decisions and to say they won't 'let' you go is to admit to being under their thumb in an unhealthy way. Just my opinion. [Noot54]
You have come to a point in your life when it is time to move out and make you own choices, congradulations. It does appear that your parents were a little over protective, but I am sure they really care about you. Do not dislike them for it, and do not just do things to get them back, you will end up hurting yourself more then you hurt them. [jcgbrains]
I guess you just have to let your parents undertsand and let them now that you are responsible enough to take care of yourself. Always tel them that every freedom comes great responsible and you are at the right age and you have to prove them that youa re responsible enough for your actions.. Running away or moving out will just worsen the situation. Make them feel that you still need them even though you are independent and make sure that you are responsible for all the consequences of every actions done. [haedescanes]
I was in your same shoes three years ago. My parents were strict to us especially girls. But when I came to live on my own and after I graduated I came to understand that they only want whats best for me. But you know what, things changed when I had my own job and my 6 yrs boyfriend had his own job too. They allow us to go anywhere. Just cool it down gurl. The right time will come when they will give you freedom. Just make sure you will be able to handle it well too. Parents are parents. Sometimes it may seem so hard to understand but at the right time you will know why they did it. Besides I suggest your bf and you spend some quality time with your folks. He also has to gain your parents trust. :) Good luck...It wont stay that way forever. [camery]
Wow your lucky.My parents get mad if i get a B in school. Your parents should let you make your own decisions. [lilpimp]
Well, you're 21, and that makes you an adult. Period, end of story. The only "thing" your parents can hold over your head is essentially (if I understood your post correctly) that you live with them. So, they can say "as long as you are in our house, you live by our rules." To SOME degree, that may be understandable. But it really sounds like they have major control issues going on, so I think it's probably a good thing that you're planning to move out, so you can have a chance to develop a life of your own. Good luck to you! [Denmarkguy]
as an indian i can't think like u...here most of the parents r like this they r saying this for ur future,they don't like to pull u in darkness.. u may think parents r wrong..may be but i'm going with their opinion, if u want such a such a vaccation u just marry him...! [thanuarun]
Wow, your parents seriously want you sheltered huh? I don't understand why they're refusing to let you go. You are 21 and officially no longer a child. If you were to defy them and go on vacation anyway, they wouldn't have a leg to stand on, because you have your own mind and aren't at liberty to do whatever pleases them anymore. As for them not allowing you to cook - Who do they think they are anyway? I agree wholeheartedly with your decision to move out. It's the only way you'll ever break free. How does your boyfriend feel about your parents and the way they treat you? Times may be a little rough for you when you move out. Your parents may try and do anything possible in order to have you move back in with them. Stick to your guns though and don't let them talk roughshod over you. As an adult, do what you gotta do. Hang in there! [retardedrugrat]
You are 21, so nooe can tell u what to do You are legaly an adult at the age of 18 in my country, but i know that tehere are somethat has the age 21. anyways, you are an adult, and if u wanna go away with your bf you do not have to listen to your parents, just GO! [Marie2473]
think before going anywhere!its good that you respect them and have canceled your trip with your boyfriend this time.but you say that you would be leaving within a week.i dont think you should do this,this could hurt your parents.they have been strict to you,only thats why you have been respecting them all these years.if they had given leeway to you you would have gone out thus time witout even telling them.so if they were strict then only because for your sake.they love you and i know you love them too.they are not allowing you to go on vications with your boyfriend because they think thats right.your boyfriend is a nice guy but they dont realise it yet.so just agree to what they say and try to convey them.and if they really think that your boyfriend is trustworthy then i am sure they will allow you to go for a vication with him. dont feel bad for your parents. be good. [nabeelnaqabia]